


define monster

by acidtowns



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 08:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidtowns/pseuds/acidtowns
Summary: Five times Levi is a monster and one time he is a human.





	define monster

> **1\. monster** : a person who is rude or badly behaved

“Discipline,” he hears Erwin drawl above him, “is best delivered in a form of pain. Don’t you agree?” When he doesn’t answer immediately, he feels Erwin’s heel digging into the arch of his back. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me. I asked you a question, Levi.”

“He called me filthy,” Levi scowls. “He deserved it.”

“I see.” The pressure on his back lifts, and when he peers up, Erwin is crouching in front of him. “He called you a name, so you spat on him.”

Levi hates that arrogant, almost taunting, tone. "He disrespected me.“

"Don’t talk about disrespect when you don’t know what it means.”

Narrowing his eyes, Levi shifts underneath the challenging gaze. “If I had known the Scouting Legion was nothing but a bunch of ass-kissers, I wouldn’t have agreed to join.”

“And yet, you’re here.” A gentle smile graces the corners of Erwin’s mouth, and Levi hates it. He hates it so fucking much. “I respect you as a person, and I will treat you like one as long as you act like one.”

The ropes that tie his wrists together burn. “You call this respect?” He turns his head slightly to indicate the position he’s in.

“Of course,” Erwin answers without missing a beat. “I’m on the same level as you. Eye to eye, man to man. As long as you don’t look away, as long as you  _trust me_ , I respect you as my equal.” Levi has never heard such bullshit.

 

* * *

 

 

> **2\. monster** : an inhumanly cruel or wicked person

He doesn’t understand why his feet are frozen in place. He doesn’t understand why his heart momentarily stops beating. He doesn’t understand why he can’t move, but he understands that if he doesn’t do something, there will be casualties.

“ _Help_!”

He hears the scream, he sees the look of horror, but he doesn’t do anything. He stands there, eyes blown wide, staring and staring until the body of his companion disappears into the titan’s mouth.

“ _Levi_!”

He doesn’t understand why Erwin comes back for him. He doesn’t understand why Erwin hauls him over his shoulder and takes him far away. He doesn’t understand why his heart is pounding hard, but he understands that he is safe.

 

* * *

 

 

> **3\. monster** : a congenitally malformed or mutant animal

“That was unnecessary,” Erwin tells him. “You could have gotten yourself killed.”

“But I killed them, didn’t I?” His nostrils flare as his fingers ball into twin fists. “I saved my allies. Why did you stop me?”  _Why can’t you appreciate what I’ve done_?  _I killed all those titans to prove my competence to you_.

“I stopped you, because we’re not murderers. We don’t kill unless we have to.” Erwin places a hand on his shoulder. “Four was more than enough. Whatever you’re trying to prove, stop.” And with a gentle squeeze, Erwin turns away.

He hates it.

Why is it that, every time he tries to do right, he does wrong?

He hates it so fucking much.

All he wants is Erwin to look at him –  _eye to eye_ , _man to man_. He doesn’t want to be a burden; he wants to stand and fight beside him. He wants to be someone that Erwin  _trusts_.

“I’m not a murderer,” he calls out after him.

Erwin slows to a stop, turns back to face him, and says, “I know.”

 

* * *

 

 

> **4\. monster** : an animal that is excessively or dauntingly large

_Humanity’s strongest_. That’s what they call him. Humanity’s savior. Humanity’s hero. Humanity’s future. They all respect him, they all trust him to pave the bloodless path, but little do they know, his hands have long been stained by blood.

When he kills, he kills to save. When he can’t save, he can’t grieve. Death doesn’t hurt him like it did in the past; experience has wiped his tears. He’s used to it now – not being able to rescue, not being able to say  _goodbye_ , not being able to live up to that heroic title the nation has bestowed upon him.

He’s used to it now.

He’s used to tragedies.

 

* * *

 

 

> **5\. monster** : a creature that is typically frightening

He can’t forget Hanji’s words.

Humans.

Titans.

 _They coexist_.

Titans were once human.

He killed humans.

 _He murdered his friends_.

 

* * *

 

 

> **+1. human** : of, relating to, or characteristic of people or human beings

What defines morality? What defines humanity? – It’s the ability to relate to another human being.

Being embarrassed, being afraid, wanting approval, wanting peace, and feeling guilty – all of these are human characteristics. All of these define what a human is.

In that case ..

“Am I a monster?” Levi asks one day.

“No.” Erwin meets his gaze. “You’ve always been human.”

**Author's Note:**

> as some of you may know, i've dipped out of the snk fandom so i won't be writing any more new fics. the ones i'm posting have been previously published on tumblr @ komlin & i thought it would be nice to post them here, all in one place. i thank you all for your support through my snk writing journey!


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